Stronger
by Quel-est-le-pointe
Summary: Phil starts the new school year stronger than ever, yet he still struggles to drag himself out of bed. What happens when 17 year old Phil meets the new student at school, 17 year old Dan Howell? and YouTube? Follow Phil through his adventure, but be aware there will be scenes of violence, depression, love, angst, smut ;) and I won't give away anymore. (PHANfiction)
1. Chapter 1

Come on Phil, get up out of bed_. _September the 1st, a new academic year. Cant be any worse than last year, surely.

I slither out of my bed and practically fall into the shower. Why do teenagers have to go to school? – Well, technically I don't have to go to school, I'm 17 now, but if I want a decent job then I have to, so pull yourself together Phillip!

I briefly wash myself, I only had a shower last night, I just thought a shower might wake me up.

Wrong.

What did, however, wake me up, was the vague site of white scars on my right hip. When I say white, I mean ghost white, I'm pale enough as it is but the scars are on a whole other level. They don't matter now, this year I'm stronger.

After changing into a light blue T-shirt with clouds on and some black skinny jeans, I head downstairs to grab some cereal.

Where were my parents or family you ask? Gone, so don't ask again.

I suppose its time, I head to my car and drive to school.

When I get there its practically empty, no one wants to be early to school, minus me.

I head to my tutor room to grab a seat at the back before everyone else is in. Pulling out my new graphic novel book, 'Seconds' I begin reading and wait for the class to start in 15 minutes.

*dingalinglinglinglaling* the school bell rang.

The class piles in, all the same faces from last year. Some girls had obviously learnt how to use make-up over the summer, both males and females had slight shifts in their body figures. Whilst I'm still the same gangly ghoul i'll always be.

"Right students, take your sits and hush up, you'll have time to talk about all your fun over summer in a second. First, I want to introduce you to a new student here this year, Daniel Howell." Mrs Bridge said, motioning to an incredibly tall, tanned male next to her. He must be taller than even me!

"Uh, just Dan, please." This Dan character mumbled, making several girls swoon.

"Well 'Just Dan' find yourself a seat." Mrs Bridge said smiling, whilst moving to her desk to begin tutor.

Everyone had kept their same seats as last year, meaning yet again, the only seat left was next to me. No one ever wanted to sit with me, but Dan didn't have a choice.

I could feel his eyes burning into me as he walked over to sit by me, however being the stuborn fuck I am, I just look straight ahead of me, completley ignoring him. I can see out the corner of my eye he's beaming at me, as if I was his long lost friend, but still, the patch ahead of me is a lot more interesting than his face. I guess.

He sits down and Mrs Bridge begins taking the register and setting us a task for our tutor. Tutor is a pointless lesson, it tries to teach social skills, but to be quite frank, I don't want to be social.

"So I want you to talk to your next door neighbour (the person sat next to you) and ask them, what they did for summer, and something interesting about them. Then write it down and hand it into me at the end of class." Mrs Bridge finished.

Ah crap. How do I get out of this one?


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey so I'm Dan, what's your name?" Dan asked me, smiling.

"I- I'm Phil." I stupidly stuttered, fearing people before I even talk to them.

"So do you want to tell me about your summer first, or?" Dan asked, hesitantly.

"Oh, um, you go first." I replied, weakly smiling at his beaming face.

"Well, I moved here, from London actually, but other than that, it wasn't great to be honest." Dan replied, with a sad smile.

"How come?" I asked instantly. Dan's face changed to a mix of anger and sad, I instantly regretted my impulse question. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that, I'm sorry." I said, slightly recoiling, just in case.

Dan's only reply was a sad smile, "What about yours?" He asked.

I looked away.

"Not one for talking?" Dan said, a sense of humour was tickling the tip of his tongue. "I get it, you've only just met me, sure, but can I at least have one thing to write down for Mrs Bridge?" Dan asked slightly laughing.

"Um, you can write that I brought myself this book during summer." I reply, showing him my 'Seconds' book.

"No way!" Dan exclaims, frightening me a little making both of us giggle, "I love those books and the art is so amazing in them!"

"I know, I've never met someone who likes them too, but um, between you and me, if you want to get off to a good start, it's not a good idea to shout about that round here." I whisper to Dan, warding off any chances of friendship here, nice one Phil.

"Why?" Dan replies, also in hushed tones.

"They don't like it." I say, motioning my eyes to the popular kids table.

"And who are they?" He asks, quizzically.

"The popular kids of course, never seen mean girls?" I reply.

"Oh right, so who does that make you then? Out of mean girls I mean." Dan asks.

"Janis Ian, always." I reply quietly.

"So your hair is a wig?" Dan replies quirkily, actually making me laugh.

"No. They just hate me." I finish.

"Why?" Dan asks. Once again, I just stare ahead of myself. "Why?" he pries.

"It's not really something you need to know, or that can be said in the time left of this lesson." I reply truthfully.

"Maybe some other time then?" Dan asks, looking almost hopeful.

"Mm" I reply, great answer Phil.

*dingalinglinglinglaling* the school bell rings again and before Dan can say or ask anything else, I'm up out of my seat and off to maths class.


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting in maths, I'm also the loner at the back, do you sense a pattern? Good.

To be honest, Dan didn't seem all that bad, I just know he's more suited for the popular kids, they don't let me have friends anyway.

Right on cue, Dan enters, with the 'populars'.

"Students, students. Be seated, quickly and quietly. Hello Mr Howell, I have heard you're our new student. Well our only free seat is by Mr Lester over there, so head on down." Mr Edmund said.

Gee thanks, way to sell the seat next to me.

"But sir!" Tom whines. (one of the populars) "He's already had to sit next to Phil in tutor, don't make him do it again."

"Then, perhaps Thomas, you wish to sit next to Lester instead?" Mr Edmund says, knowing Tom wouldn't sit next to me if it was a life or death situation.

"It's okay, I'll sit next to Phil." Dan says, whilst looking uncomfortable.

"See sir! He doesn't want to! His first day and he's already hating it having to sit next to Philly no mates!" Tom sneers.

That's about all I can take and I kick my chair back and speedily head out of the classroom and into the boys toilets. How is it fair that the teacher is encouraging people to not want to sit next to me? What have I ever done to them?

I sit in the end stall, I let a few tears fall. Come on Phil, your stronger than this!

I know I have an hour until break, then 30 minute break and back to gym. Fabulous, I LOVE physical exercise, not.

For the time being, I whip my phone out and open up youtube. I scroll onto one of my favourite subscriptions, PewDiePie. Putting my headphones in, I spend the next hour watching him yell and scream at games, and watching videos of him with his girlfriend Marzia, AKA CutiePie. I secretly wish I had someone to share my life with like that, they were always so jokey towards each other, but you could tell beneath was the deepest kind of love. They'd left their families and moved countries for each other, and I couldn't even find anyone to sit in the seat next to me…

*dingalinglinglinglaling* Break time.

*Bang*… *bang bang*

"Phillip! We know you're in here!" Tom taunts.

"Where else would you be, you little runt!" Jordan yells.

The populars had come to find me… most likely, to beat me.

I put my phone and headphones away, I don't want them to get too smashed up.

The group of boys – there's normally about five, if they've brought Dan along for the fun, then I'd say six – begin banging on the toilet doors, swinging them open.

Tom climbs over the top of the one next to me and jumps into my cubical.

"Alright faggot?" He says into my face, whilst unlocking the doors exposing the 5 other boys. Yes Dan was here too.

"You're in for a treat here Dan, watch and learn." Kyle sneers in Dan's ear.

The next thing I know, Tom, Jordan and Kyle begin punching me, slamming my head against the walls of the cubical until I fall to the floor. Then everyone begins kicking me, I don't know who, all I know is no one stopped it.

*dingalinglinglinglaling* half an hour already? I hear the boys scuttle off to their next lesson, leaving me in a heap on the floor.

My vision begins to fade into black, and then I'm gone.


	4. Chapter 4

The next thing I know is waking up in the nurses' office.

"Phillip, how do you feel?" The nurse asked.

"Fab." I sarcastically mutter.

"It's just a few bumps and scratches but we'll send you home today so you can rest for tomorrow." The nurse says, not caring about anything I say or do.

Yeah, rest for tomorrows beating.

I get up from the bed, and work my way to my car. Thankfully, everyone must still be in lesson and the car park is deserted.

At home I decide to do something I'd never done before, make my very own YouTube video.

By the time I was done, I had found myself asking who ever was watching, if they had any advice for bullying. Nothing sappy, just an explanation of what happened and the fact I was not able to inform parents of this – for whatever reason.

After uploading this, I went back to watching PewDiePie, having a burst of confidence, I clicked the 'message' button.

_To Mr Kjellberg, AKA PewDiePie,_

_Hello, my name is Phil, and I've been watching your videos for some time now. Today however, I made one of my own, it's not like yours, but you inspired me to. In a perfect world I'd love for YouTube to help me find my own CutiePie, but for now I'm just asking if you have any advice about dealing with bullies._

_Today I was beat up pretty bad and sent home from school, but tomorrow I'll be enduring the same thing. I don't know who to turn to, I have no friends, parents or even guardians. _

_Any help would be appreciated,_

_Thank you for making me smile with all the videos you post, they give me some light in my day._

_From Phil Lester, AKA my sarcastic YouTube name, AmazingPhil. As if._

Sent

I sigh. Looking back at my video, half an hour later 9 views, 0 comments, 0 subscribers.

I decide to make some more videos, perhaps I can lighten my own mood.

I make a couple of videos where I make a Sim character and comment over his movement. Then I decide to start making a tutorial for Zelda: Ocarina of Time with commentary, kind of like PewDiePie.

I upload these also to YouTube, and suddenly I wonder if I can continue this. What if I take this week off school and come up with some kickass great ideas?

Sure it's not the best idea academically, but it has made my mood a lot better.

I take out a notebook and jot down some ideas for videos.

Baking? – pancakes, cakes, biscuits, yummy unhealthy foods!

Donkey Kong?

Maybe even more vlog style!

That will do for now.

Rummaging through my cupboards I find the correct ingredients' to make brownies, yum!

Setting up my camera, I get my recipe ready and all the ingredients' and equipment. I then click record on the camera and begin talking through each step. I remember that when I stutter or say something wrong, I go back to where I was and repeat myself. I can edit mistakes out later. Oh how I wish real life was like that!

After the video is filmed, I chow down on the brownies whilst editing the video and posting it to YouTube. This must be the most videos ever uploaded in one day! Maybe I have a knack for this…

Better than that, my Sims' videos are on 100+ views and I even have 5 subscribers! 5! I message each of them personally thanking them and promising new videos soon. That's not too desperate is it?

They reply back, explaining they are excited and mention things they like. Wow!

It's getting late but I want to make one more video before I sleep, I incorporate it into making dinner.

I decide to make ratatouille and film it. However, as I go, I find myself making jokes about the film, and everything in general. It's strange to see yourself from an outsiders perspective, but I haven't seen myself use humour in months and months, maybe even a year!

After I eat dinner, I decide to not upload the video tonight and to just head to bed, all the excitement from the 100+ views has worn me out! Haha! I know I know it's silly, but when you have no friends, over 100 people watching you on a screen is a big deal!

I actually go to bed that night almost smiling.

I wake up and look around my room. It's still dark, 2am. I whip out my camera on my phone and turn a light on.

"So it's 2am, and I'm awake. Why you ask? Well if you haven't already seen my first vlog kinda video then go have a look. It's about bullying. I barely get any sleep, I don't know why not, it's not like they'll find me here, they don't know where I live, no one does. But my dreams are filled with violence, them finding me, hurting me. But this YouTube thing, I quite like it. I know I've done it one day, but it's made me the happiest I've been in a long time. It makes me feel like someone cares, like I have friends. Will you guys be my friends?" I say with a soft smile, hoping it doesn't come across as pathetic. "I'll be your friend, if you need someone. If you're going through the same thing or need someone to talk to, I promise you can always talk to me! Send me a message and I'll reply, I promise." I finish stopping the recording.

I decide to send the recording straight to YouTube, it seems like a good idea and if I don't like it in the morning I'll just take it down.

With that uploaded, I lay back down to try to get a bit more shut eye.


	5. Chapter 5

I wake up and its actually light outside… 11am!

Ah well, too late for school, shame that.

I head to my computer and turn it on to see if there are any more views or even subscribers!

Loading … loading…

Come on!

Loading…

User: AmazingPhil

Password: ********

… What on earth, 5,000 subscribers? WHAT? 100 messages? What the hell happened over night?

I search through the messages and find the very first, from PewDiePie.

_To AmazingPhil – sounds right to me! __J_

_Hey Phil! Thank you for the message, so I checked out your channel and I LOVE the videos you've been posting. Keep it up! Although I'm sorry to hear about the bullying, I hope you like my new video on this – its dedicated to you. Marzia and I both agree it could be wise for you to take this week off school, find your barings and go back stronger than ever. Try to locate even just one individual in school that you can talk to and get friendly with. I know it sounds impossible, but Marzia and I want updates and I bet you didn't think I'd even reply did ya ;) _

_Also bud, there's always someone out there for you, to love you just like Marzia and I love each other. __J_

_Oh and also! Let me know if you live near Brighton, I'd love to do a collab with you, help you get some YouTube business too, but mainly you just seem like a cool guy that needs a friend, I'm here for you mate, I really am. __J_

_Good luck, look forward to your reply. Text me on 07******* _

_Felix _

I. Am. Speechless. Felix wants to be friends? Felix, PewDiePie Felix… most subscribed on YouTube Felix…

I watched Felix's new video before sending him a text. The video was a vlog style one, featured around bullying, basically saying if any of his followers are currently emotionally or physically hurting people then to unsubscribe, he even sent people to my channel, dedicating it to me, needing love and support. My eyes begin to well up.

I quickly compose a text to send to Felix thanking him and telling him that I do in fact live in the centre of Brighton and the area.

I then spend some time answering the 99 left messages in my inbox and replying to comments in my videos. I'm overwhelmed by the love and support from strangers, even a few messages telling me to stop being so whiney don't even phase me.

I decide to make a few more videos, adding to the Sims and Zelda playlists I started.

Felix drops me a text asking if I want to head over to his Wednesday (tomorrow) to film some old school games with him, I agree and he tells me the details of where he lives. Which conveniently is just a few roads away. Felix also mentioned he was bringing a few more youtubers to get to know each other.

I'm nervous, but super excited!

I busy myself with making new videos so that people won't think I am only gaining followers from PewDiePie, and I complete tag videos such as 51 things in my room, even silly ones like doing make-up from house hold things such as food ingredients. I feel like it helps me show my true goofy funny side.

I created a ton of videos throughout the day, awkwardly changing into new clothes each time so I could post them different days without it looking like I wear the same clothes day in day out.

My mind began racing about meeting Felix and other youtubers, I hope they're ones I know so I don't look like a fool. I'm subscribed to a lot of people however so fingers crossed!

For the rest of the night I decided to sit down and watch some TV for a bit. It feels nice to be so busy that I NEED to relax. It makes me feel as if I am a human being with worth.

After dinner I ran a bath for the first time in about a year, added some bubble bath of my mothers and enjoyed the peace it sent through my body. That night I fell sound a sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, only to wake up at 9am, just in time to get ready.


	6. Chapter 6

I took out my phone to vlog as I was saving my cameras battery for video games with Felix.

I told my camera/phone/viewers that I was going to see some very special new friends today, and told them they could come on my journey with me, as my rock.

I got ready into an awesome pokemon T-shirt and as always, skinny jeans.

I arrived at Felix and Marzia's house just before 11am so that I was fashionably early… that's a thing right?

"Phil!" Marzia said happily as she opened the door to me, hugging me instantly.

"Marzia, it's so great to meet you!" I replied beaming.

"As it is to meet you! Felix and I have grown so fond of you." She replied in her thick Italian accent, like a warm mother, "come in, come in. Felix, Phil is here!"

Felix came bounding to the front door with Maya and Edgar their pugs in tow.

"Phil, I'm so glad you're here!" Felix said smiling, giving me a manly hug.

"I'm so glad you invited me," I say. Nothing could remove this smile from my face, "Do you mind if I vlog some of today?" I ask timidly.

"Go for it! I was going to recommend it actually, the viewers love it!" Felix said, everything about him oozes happiness.

"Come into our lounge," Marzia becons, "everyone will be here soon, Zoe, Alfie, Marcus, Niomi. Unfortunately, Ali-A and Danny can't make it today, but they should be here next week." Marzia said bubbly.

"Oh yeah bro, this will happen every Wednesday if you're up for it?" Felix asked, making me feel so welcome.

"Well I would love to!" I replied, honoured to be asked.

Thinking on the names, I had heard of Zoe, I knew she and Marzia were friends, her channel Zoella had just hit 5 million subscribers! Alfie is her boyfriend, I'm sure of it, there was a lot of Zalfie drama, yes that's right. Marcus Butler I'm also subscribed to, he's began making games, with Alfie too actually! Niomi is his girlfriend, I know this because he vlogs with her often, she's gorgeous and apparently wants to get more into vlogging, not so much gaming as she says she'll leave that to Marcus. Ali-A and Danny I haven't heard of, but Felix has told me they're pretty strong gamers, new to the vlogging scene.

Soon enough, everyone had arrived and Marzia was handing drinks and snacks round whilst Felix was making sure everyone was introduced properly.

Throughout the day, we played tons of games the girls went off to make some vlogs, some of us too! But mainly the boys all played games, we had two videos made with each gamer so we had a video each for our channel, and then a vlog on top. So overall I had 4 collab videos for my channel!

Although I was nervous, I feel like I fitted in well with everyone, there were even comments saying they felt they'd known me for ages. The day flew by and we all exchanged numbers and promised Marzia we'd all return next week, (she said she'd cry otherwise) she's such a sweetheart.

To end my vlog that night, I expressed to my viewers how I felt in school I was no one, no one wanted to be my friend and I was the kid that got bullied and beat up. But with YouTube, I was part of a community of friends that were welcoming and humble, and I thanked Felix, Marzia, Zoe, Alfie, Marcus and Niomi for the amazing time and for being amazing human beings.

I went to sleep with a smile on my face.

The rest of the week was spent chatting, skyping and phone calling my new found friends… don't worry I wasn't spamming them, mostly they called me or skyped me!

They were all helping me plan my schedule for next year, crazy right! But Felix said it was the best thing to do and that they all had one. This meant everyone knew when they were free for collabs in the group, with new people and if any opportunities came up, whilst leaving time to relax.

As Sunday came around, they were all encouraging about school the next day. Felix told me to text him as soon as I got into any trouble.

I knew they of course wouldn't be at school with me, they were all old enough and successful enough to not need to be, but they made me feel so much more confident and happy. I knew at the end of the day they were there for me, regardless.


End file.
